I cannot figure out why I punish myself by not calling a piano tuner to work on my very old Steinway grand. The 10 highest keys dont play any more, and Aflat below middle C doesnt play either.  (Aflat is a note that is important to me…. )(at which comment my brother (who also plays piano) laughed and said… “they are all imprtant”).

So many things I conserve on, and do without, but this just feels really like self-punishment for past sins and transgressions. I certainly could afford  to call one. And I would never accept the gift of a piano tuning from anyone. LOL.

This isn’t about loss of self esteem, as I am very comfortable with my past, and what i do on a daily basis, and how much I try to contribute to the lives of my children, grandchildren, and the arts and science at large.  Its a funny denial….  It might it be self-punishment for not practicing more that I do now?  Or is it the emotional involved in playing pieces my father, my siblings and I have composed that triggers the response?

The best gift i got from my parents was music lessons.  Would that I had been a more diligent student (not to become a professional – cause I would never perform) just to add to my enjoyment.