Daily Archives: May 6, 2020

Derailed nesting instincts

Rants

yep there is a screw loose in society…. i contemplate it every time i go to my daughter’s house and discover what she focuses on…. she is quite focused on making a stained glass suncatcher for her boyfriend …the activity itself is not bad…. i laud it, the amount of time is inordinate…. however, i have come to the conclusion that this is the way she nests….. excessive thinking about every tiny detail to the exclusion of appropriating time for the necessary things (housework dishes etc)….

it was an epiphany i had yesterday when she has also mentioned again that she wants badly to make a quilt of her kids old tee shirts (i have made such memory quilts for other people, and my for own sister from her mickey mouse tee shirt collection… i know the deep seeded internal pressure to do these types of things…. this is actually a manifest of the nesting instinct… i understand it, as every august something in me says “make a quilt”

the origins of these feelings in me are almost unknown to me (outside of the obvious preparation for cold winters)… i dont conjure them up… they just come up on their own.

As a young woman i wanted nothing in life more than to work on the tiny things to make a home and decorate it, paint walls, make curtains, quilts, garden, make trinkets…. it was an individual (non commercialized) way to build a nest. i got a big dose of that instinct, she got a big dose too, but she also got my x’s compulsion for perfection (which i truly did not get from anyone in my tree)…. that is a recipe for slow and tedious — but it produces some of the best works of art, and some of the most personalized (never monetized) and highly rewarding artwork…. i think the rise of commercialization, cheap excuses for home building and nesting, have no meaning, and therefore to go find meaning we change out the cheap things for more cheap things….

my grandmother (actually both grandmothers) was an artist…. but her artwork was in the beauty of her clothes and quilts (no surprise there) and needlepoint and crochet… i have some of her lovely hand made lace…. not monetized….

another thing lost is the ability to “use what we have in front of us”… i use trash… how funny is that in todays society…

we need to release china from mass production of cheap stuff and return to “nesting” home building with our own resources at hand…. i think so anyway….. the missing satisfaction is from the “i did it myself” and that leaves our satiety unsated

Gratitude: for my mind and body

Good Grief!, Rants

Gratitude: for my mind and body?  It has taken 76 years for me to arrive at this point. This should tell you that all this time I have really not appreciated the uniqueness of myself, my family (sibs, parents, grandparents, children too) particularly in the way my mind works.
It certainly works differently than most individuals I have met. I have wondered why, what differences in wiring, differences in the myriad chemicals, synapses which bring about the following cute list:

(posted from Hormones and chemicals linked to emotion):affection, anger, angst, anguish, annoyance, anxiety, apathy, arousal, awe, boredom, confidence, contempt, contentment, courage, curiosity, depression, desire, despair, disappointment, disgust, distrust, dread, ecstasy, embarrassment, envy, euphoria, excitement, fear, frustration, gratitude, grief, guilt, happiness, hatred, hope, horror, hostility, hurt, hysteria, indifference, interest, jealousy, joy, loathing, loneliness, love, lust, outrage, panic, passion, pity, pleasure, pride, rage, regret, relief, remorse, sadness, satisfaction, self-confidence, shame, shock, shyness, sorrow, suffering, surprise, terror, trust, wonder, worry, zeal, and zest.

I am sure the list could include some for every day of the week, every holiday from every culture that are not in this a-z set.
I marvel at what interests me, my energy levels, my need to constantly reinforce visual order/chaos at a balance that is somewhere between compulsive order and total chaos. These are likely governed by levels of satisfaction (seratonin, endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, epinepherine and a host of others I know in a shallow way, and the host of others not recognized yet.

I am just thinking about the art that I create (found as stained glass patterns, as counted cross stitch, peyote stitch patterns and beads and relics, as scientific journal cover art (this blog), as polymer clay sculpture, as paintings, drawings, quilts, murals, walkways, landscaping and mosaic — just to name a few that come to mind.
I am not meticulous, and it might be nice to be a little more compulsive (a trait in my kids and my father) in my artwork (i am not sure which of the neurotransmitters keeps me from that trait, ha ha), but I am just full of joy and wonder and loving the beauty of nature, having a good time (most of the time) journaling my walk through life leaving behind silly artistic reminders of those steps.

My greatest regret is that I dont have an infinite amount of time to learn, and express the infiniteness that is out-there. I make no apologies for the time spent on art, or science, I am happy my mind works like it does. I cannot imagine being one that sits and does not “do”. I am blessed.