I had insight (I guess that is what it was (don’t know for sure) about why I hate this University and Department so much. It might actually be part of a grieving process, almost like death or divorce from someplace (someone) that I worked for/with/in (and still do) 50+ years. (yes 50 years from 1968-to date — which is 1/17/2019. Feeling of being rejected or abandoned after much devotion and dedication. And then, I get an email from an office worker (which I put in the category of “yes” man) that a former faculty member has died. (That office worker has shown me nothing but disrespect (maybe shows all personnel the same “i do what the chair says so I am in charge, i don’t need to be civil or show compassion, you must do what i say” attitude) …. The email was a one liner, no beginning date for his service, no comments on his research, no checking to see even what division he made his contributions to, no gratitude for having helped to build the department which funds her job.
Less than one line… wow… I am instructing my only continuing contact in the department NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND AN EMAIL OUT TO OTHERS WHEN I DIE… I would rather remain nothing… than be give such disrespect.
I send silent words to the security camera each day when I come in… read my lips.
Here is an article which actually confirms my feelings today. Hallelujah, I am at the next to the last stage….I quote them:
Denial: “I never really wanted to retire… I should still be working” (yep i went back to work on a Breast Cancer Grant for 5 years)
Anger: “They made me retire… They wanted me out of there… So-and-so set me up” (yep, forced to retire because my external support dropped below 80% — btw tenured faculty don’t have this threat)
Bargaining: “Maybe if I just _________, I could go back (or move on)” (yep, continuing to do research, coming in every day wanting not to be here)
Depression: “Who am I kidding, I’m worthless and always was” (yep…no way to get collaborators or exchange new ideas, no funds for publications or research)
Acceptance: “I felt lost at first, but finally feel at peace with my new life” (not yet…. waiting….. ha ha)