i do not know if i have ‘spirit’
i want spirit
if i did have spirit then my life would be complete
i am open — but also somehow also self-closed to spirit
i try to listen to spirit
i listen to the spirit of El Elyon
the unknowable
the incalculable
the infinite
the eternal
but if i ever understand that spirit
it will no longer have spirit-power
since what i comprehend can never be awesome

If I fail to try something that frightens me I will forever be a slave to it