Verge of a Dream: Last thought

Prose and Poems

If caught unaware by
What might be taking the
Last breath, I don’t want
The thought to be the word
no. No, It Must be a picture
that you can be wearing
anything when you look
that good.

Maybe some
things learned and some
things not; one falls neither
there nor not there…some
things like when is and
what is
that last thought and
breath. But, there
are no buts. I do know
I am saved not by me,
by someone
Else, by how in the midst
Of it all…all the cursed
Failures, and wishes, those
Horrible wishes, by how
You look so good.

The obvious is ignored
In the struggle,
In the lists and
Priorities…they
Will disappear and
Really aren’t worth
Passing before,
As they say,
Your eyes. Though
I want to have
What is in that
Last breath is,
Solely about me,
so to
never and I mean
Never
For a second,
Less than a
Moment, ignore how
Good you look to me.

Christmas 1942, by Dan Hogan

Prose and Poems

CHRISTMAS 1942
Dan Hogan

Fall had faded and December meant Christmas was near. The Christmas season was always a special time at our house and my mom and dad made sure we were the first ones in the neighborhood to put up our tree, which was always decorated with too many lights, which put a strain on the electrical circuits in our old rented house. Pop always had lots of fuses on hand through the Christmas season and we all tried our best to turn off any unnecessary lights before plugging in the tree lights. We’d forget and, oops, the house would go dark and Pop, flashlight in hand, would head to the basement to replace another blown fuse.

This Christmas was one I’d never forget. It all started when my Dad called me from his basement workshop. “Hey Danny, come on down here, I want to talk to you for a minute.” Geez… I hoped this wasn’t going to be about the birds and bees. Nope! That would come later.

“Look son, I know you don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore but your brothers still do, right?” I just nodded…yes. “This year your uncle Matt and I have something special planned and we need you to help us out.” Again I nodded and said, “Sure Pop… what’s up?” “Your uncle is gonna play Santa on Christmas Eve for you boys and I want you to go along with it. Can you do that?” Before I had a chance to answer, there was more. “When we finish here, Santa will be making a second stop to a family about a mile from here and we want you to go along with us and do a little play-acting to make it all seem as real as possible, you wanna do that?” I suddenly felt a bit more grown-up than I really was and blurted out a resounding, “Yes…yes!”

Pop then filled me in on the details. The father of this family worked at Uncle Matt’s plant as a janitor for very low pay and this Christmas was going to be a tough one for the youngsters. Pop continued, “Santa is going to bring a couple presents for the kids and we want you to give a turkey to the mom and dad for their Christmas dinner. What do ya think?” I don’t think I’d ever seen my dad so excited about anything before. My answer…I jumped into his arms and gave him a big hug followed with a soft, “I love you Pop.”

As Christmas drew closer, things got more and more exciting at our house and Uncle Matt was around more than usual as he and Pop planned Santa’s visit to the family on the edge of town. Since I was Santa’s helper this year I was included when my two younger brothers weren’t around. They had no idea what was going on. This year Santa would be paying a visit to 1915 Quincy Street in person. I couldn’t wait.

December 24th finally arrived and a fresh snowfall had started as twilight slowly faded to darkness. Mom had managed to get the tree lights on without blowing a fuse, which meant Pop needn’t make a trip to the circuit box in the basement tonight. Uncle Matt and Aunt Loretta had arrived and it seemed our house was bustling with activity a bit more than usual this year. My younger brothers, Stuart and Jerry, didn’t notice when Uncle Matt slipped away to put on his rented red suit and hat with the fake white beard… but I did. Mom gave me a wink and said, “Okay boys, time for bed. Santa’s on his way. Get up to bed now!” That was my cue and I led the way to our upstairs bedroom.

We had been in bed for only a short time when downstairs Santa arrived with some loud “Ho-Ho-Ho’s” and sounds of sleigh bells ringing. I made sure Stu and Jerry were awake and hearing Santa wishing everyone, “Merry Christmas!…Merry Christmas!”… over and over again. Uncle Matt sounded great. He must have practiced a lot as he didn’t sound at all like his normal voice. Aunt Lorretta called out, “Hey boys, get down here. Yer going to miss Santa.” This time Stu and Jerry beat me to the stairs and I happily followed.

I couldn’t believe that Santa was our uncle Matt. He really looked and sounded the part and I’m sure my brothers were totally convinced he was the real deal. Years later Jerry told me he believed in Santa Claus much longer than most kids his age did.

Santa gave us each a few unwrapped gifts to go along with the many that were already under the tree before he headed out to his imaginary sleigh and his next stop. This year it was Uncle Matt’s 1937 Chevy that was parked out front.

When I was sure my brothers were asleep I quietly dressed again and went back downstairs. Santa had one more stop to make this Christmas Eve and Pop and I were going with him. Matt’s Chevy was already loaded with Santa’s sack of gifts and I was in charge of the now ready to cook turkey in the very bottom of the sack.

Off we went, Pop sitting in the right front seat with me and a sack of toys in the back seat being driven by Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. It was still snowing as we parked and walked up to the front door. Santa knocked twice and just walked in, followed by me and Pop. There was a fire burning in the fireplace that was probably the only heat for the whole house. A small fir tree decorated with a few ornaments, but no lights, stood on a small end table in the corner. I couldn’t help noticing that there were only two small gifts under the tree.

Two very excited youngsters were overjoyed and were jumping up and down as Santa asked their names as he reached in his big red bag and handed them two gifts each. Then…Santa turned to me and said, “Danny, I believe you also have something for this young family.” I was supposed to say, as I handed the turkey to the mother, “From our family to your family…Merry Christmas.” Instead, I just froze as I extended the turkey in both hands and just said…“Here!” Followed by a very soft, “Merry Christmas.” Oh well. I got part of it right.

The young mother smiled while holding the turkey in one hand and gave me a warm hug with the other and softly said, “Thank you Danny. Merry Christmas to you too.”

The father hadn’t said a word but was clearly moved by this unexpected Christmas Eve visit from Santa and his helpers. Who was this person wearing the red suit and the fake beard – someone he knew? How did Santa know where his family lived? He just couldn’t figure it out. And the best part…He never did!

Pop and I took our cues from Santa, who picked up his sack and headed for the door, proclaiming he had many more homes to visit this Christmas Eve.

Once back home, Mom and Aunt Lorretta couldn’t wait to hear how Santa’s visit had gone, as they rattled off questions one after another, which Pop and Matt answered in glowing detail. Finally, I headed back upstairs to bed for a second time. This time…for good. It had been quite a Christmas Eve. One I’d never forget. Do I believe in Santa Claus? How could I not? This year I’d been one of his helpers.

SP-D’s “tiny peak” on the downslope of the N term peak

surfactant proteins A and D,

SP-D’s “tiny peak” on the downslope of the N term peak is more pronounced when measured on grayscale value in this trimer, and is very low on the valley when four trimers are joined in a dodecamer.  Arroyo et al, 2020, Fig 2A right image, bar=80nm for the trimer shown below.  Purple bar is just below the peak plotted for this trimer using ImageJ.

Verge of a Dream: Confession

Prose and Poems

I want to
say something honest
And true, to confess
Not to others to
Hear but don’t care
If they do.
It might be a
Death bed confession
But it won’t be
Known until
We are at the same
Table in heaven.
Or if anyone hears
It or thinks it matters.

Finally I want
To hear my voice
With words and
Chords making you
Understand the way
From the woods of
Mistakes and
Misdirections. From
The cuffs and ropes
And wounds
from misunderstandings
That have kept me
From finding my
Way through the
Streets through
Neighborhoods I
Don’t belong in and
Expectations that were
Not met though when
I try to finish I realize
They were never started
Or I reached them and even
That was forgotten.

RLB 11-26-2023

Just Blau Mit Weiss — legacy of errors

Rants

I have had my 2003 mini cooper s for about 10 years.  I have taken many of my cars to Just Blau Mit Weiss….  a summary of his mechanics acumen from April 2023 till October 2023 is an astounding array of mistakes which have cost me plenty, including filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau, Attorney General, and Visa, hoping for some compensation.  It will/is costing me about $4000 to undo John Gadbury’s mistakes for which I paid him, in good faith, about $7000.

There are hard times we all go through, I had pity on this man who in exchange took me to the cleaners. A sad legacy, you should read reviews of his company JustBMW from the last year on BBB, they sound just like mine, or on Google.

i am going to give you an update on the repairs on my mini  poorly done, even wrong…… unbelievable just since April.
  1. put in new battery in april 2023 – which somehow was drained to ruin while the car was in his shop for a routine —
  2. supercharger oil lube june 2023 — i hope that it was done correctly
  3. johns tech broker my shifter cable june 2023 test driving after supercharger lube
  4. john’s tech put in the shifter cables but when i drove it clearly shifting was not good
  5. i took car back to john next day, john says “cannot find cause” and “i will make it right” and then says i have to replace starter, why?
  6. two month old battery was dead and it doesn’t take a rocket scientists to surmise  “he left the hatch or door open and drained the battery and his tech burned out the starter not wanting to charge the battery”,
  7. john says, again, he doesn’t know what is wrong with the car, and now he says it needs a clutch, and I am depending upon the fact that he said “he wil make it right” he puts in clutch with all trimmings, i see my car is on the charger when i go to pick it up but he sends me home with the car
  8. car does not shift still, i drive it saying in the 3rd gear the whole way, theonly gear that it will go in t
  9. i take the car to cinci mini, within 20 minutes the say — shifter cables were not attached to the transmission –easy fix  …  shifting works fine (i did check with parts stores, and general consensus was that when one breaks a shifter cable and drives the car, the clutch doesn’t survive. I did not need clutch after all, or shifter cables till johns tech broke them, the gasket was worn yes (70k miles, but it was “torn” as would have happened with no proper shifting cable connection).
  10. cinci mini says battery is not being charged (i buy a new battery from them)
  11. car drives for one week, i take rita to the ER, and on the way out of the ER parking lot i have no power steering (and car sounds funny starting)
  12. i take car to back to cinci mini….ask tech to test drive with me to confirm no power steering assist…. car is dead.
  13. cinci mini says i need a new alternator (dunno who is telling the truth now) but battery light is still on and there is a new starter.
  14. cinci mini checks more and says, we will put in a new battery cable (which is apparently long and hard to install, but before going further they call and say john hooked up the starter wires “backwards.
  15. I get a letter in the mail from Visa saying I have no recourse and that john did install all the parts….. i dont know who they talked to but i guess johns group didn’t really admit to installing the shifter cables or the starter wrong.
  16. so i am reopening the visa case, and asking cinci mini to sign letter that says cables not hooked up, starter wired backwards, adding info to the BBB case.
  17. johns bills are about $7000,  cinci mini, $4000 to fix johns mixtakes.
  18. johns business phone now says “not in service at this time”….his business address changed and of this date, it is open and the phone works.
  19. Fortunately  we negotiated. and issues are settled (i am unable to know for sure if any serviced parts are installed correctly.

AND the saga has still not ended…..  new supercharger, new brake line another 12k, and then the battery is dead…..  how can three batteries die in one year?  back to john and the way the initial battery in april of 2023 was misinstalled, or junked up somehow….. the story hasnt ended yet…..  feels really bad to have been a victim…… all you have to do is read the BBB comments about this company…..  sorry to all who have been victims as well.

 

Kroger’s plastic packaging abuse, totally eggregious

Rants

Kroger’s plastic waste abuse, totally eggregious.  Do customers of Kroger not understand that as the corporations go, so goes the planet. I am not talking climate change, i am talking total disregard for using natural resources in a completely unconscionable manner.  In addition, foam is not typically recyclable in local curb side plans.

 

Upon questioning a staff member in the meat department he clearly said, I have no power here, we dont even choose what we sell.  How sad to not use the most important resource the company has, the people who listen to the complaints of their customers, and know the products.

Two counts against you Kroger (among thousands I could quickly add), not even wanting to mention false advertising by design  “yellow stickers that say LOW PRICE” when you just raise prices, and tiny tiny print for items that are for digital coupon people only, I know you clean house with that scam daily, I have been victim to the tiny lettering for digital coupon and lured by the huge price lettering…. in fact just this morning that happened.

Kroger does not play fair. Truly, you are a disgrace to Cincinnati.

Verge of a Dream: Wishing

Prose and Poems


I wish I could,
But from the last
Row of the orchestra
Called out, maybe
Number three. At least
Not the last choice
Wishing I was a melody
not barely noticed
not a soft counterpoise
against the wall.
Cannot imagine how
To Solve
love and war
How to have you
Point to me.
I can stay, thinking
And doing and hoping.
Maybe changing,
But maybe irrelevant.
The enzyme washes
Away anything of value.
Promise to promise
Me.
Look at me
Turning away from
The necessary and
Ordinary. Maybe
A new planet
Discovered by
You while
Having coffee in
Bed and me
While imagining
You there.

Verge of a Dream: Another life

Prose and Poems

With another life completed
I’m not ready for you
Maybe several more…
Apprenticed to a carver
Of cold marble, I
Won’t be ready
For you.
I may signal the
Other ships and
Secure a
safe landing
After a life
Learning and
Leaning and
Steady at sea
I am not ready for
You.
I wonder if study
Even with someone
Having
a compassionate mind
and
even if my dialogue
were silenced…
would
it
does not even
us up
and make me ready
for you.
With your gliding
Elegance, you can choose
To land where you
Wish
I float, cast off,
Film, sea-sawing
On stale air
to the
Cutting room floor.
You know me and
You were right
About paradise
What ever it
Is for you it
is the same
For me.

RLB 10-04-2023